what i mean

[I wrote this last December but never posted it. It was somewhat interesting.]
Meaning is so complicated. Just the other day, I wanted to send a poem on email, and I admit that I was sort of hesitant to do it because I was afraid it was making too strong of a statement. But since I believe that some things don't have a moral implication, as in, there is no right answer per se, I made the decision to send the poem and accept whatever subsequent reactions would come. So there I am about to send this email when mozilla suddenly cuts out! Oh man, I was so mad! I thought to myself, is this a sign that I'm not supposed to send this email? But I quickly shook that off and decided that if it happened twice, THAT would be a sign. So I write the email again, and this time, webmail cuts out! I couldn't believe it happened twice! Then I asked Julia if she thought that was a sign, and she said this: maybe the fact that you think it means something means something. How deep is that! I thought it was so cool. That's totally what we do all the time! Meaning gets so convoluted when we put our own fears and desires into things. It's so frustrating! Do we even know what we mean when we do things? If I don't know why I'm doing something, how in the world could someone else figure it out?
BUT on the other hand, meaning fascinates me (obviously). It's the literature freak in me who likes to analyze EVERYTHING. I really notice in myself that I see my life as a novel. I see foreshadowing, irony, climaxes, metaphors. Not similes though... I'm not a fan. Similes are like a herd of wild boars charging down the savanna. Whatever that means. As if we needed a reason to use the word "like" more than we already do.
Anyhow, when you act a certain way, doesn't that reflect how you feel about something? Maybe it's just subconscious, and you aren't even aware. I don't know.