Tuesday, September 8, 2009

the moment everything changes

I was at Rosario's recently, and a wonderful couple came in. Now I hadn't seen Ray and Cindy since last summer, but that's because I had been away from Rosario's all the school year. But as it turns out, they hadn't been in for a long time because Ray has cancer. He has a rare cancer that he just got surgery for a month ago or so. So now he is recovering. Praise God, he is healing! I saw him a few weeks ago, and he couldn't taste food at all. He ordered tomato soup and ate about half of it. The next week, he ordered lasagna, and he ate a bit of it. He ordered a kid-sized spaghetti this past week, and he ate all of it. He is slowly beginning to taste food again. The first day that I saw him, I was sort of angry and wondered why God would do that to such a great man. But I realized that it is so amazing to watch Ray being healed. It's possibly even more amazing to watch how Cindy takes care of him and stays by his side. They are so brave.
Another thing that happened recently was my friends Allison and Spencer losing a good friend of theirs. Their friend John from school died in a car accident about a week ago. John was one of Allison's best friends. It hurts my heart to think of the pain that Allison and Spencer are going through with losing a friend suddenly.
It makes me think about my life and how angry I get when things change all of a sudden. I am healing right now from my recent break-up with Ryan, which is hard for me because my life feels so radically different, and yet at the same time, not that much has changed. Life keeps going on at the same rate; it doesn't stop. About the break-up, I'll just say that I know it was the right thing, though that doesn't stop it from hurting at times. I think it was for the best, and I do feel some freedom from the confusion that was plaguing me. But as much as I saw it coming for a few weeks before it happened, it felt sudden. And as we were breaking up, IV students were worshiping downstairs singing the words "you are so good." It wasn't irony to me that something painful was going on with me while others were declaring that God is good; rather, it was a reminder that even when things hurt like hell, God is good. And that in all things, God works for the good of those who love him.
Life can change so suddenly. You could find that you or a loved one has cancer, or you could lose a loved one in a car accident. I was asking God the other day why things have to happen like this. And He reminded me that if there is no pain, no sickness, no sadness... then we can't have healing. And healing is so incredible. What a beautiful manifestation of God's grace it is to watch Ray get better every time I see him and to hear Allison say that she knows that everything is going to be okay even though she has lost a good friend. It makes me realize that I, too, am going to be okay--that because in all things God is working for the good of Allison and Spencer and Ray and Cindy... He is also looking out for me. And that is the faith you have to hold onto in the moment when everything changes.

Do not fear for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom. -Luke 12:32

"Though I don't see, I still believe there's a purpose. You're the eye of the storm. God is good all the time, even when little girls die." -"Eye of the Storm" by Cool Hand Luke

1 comment:

Theodora said...

Hi Jess, my concentration in English is Secondary Education. Mostly the reason why I picked English in the first place was so that I could be a teacher. I really wanted to get certified in Psychology or Sociology but LVC does not have that program-so i went with my other great love, English. What was your concentration??? I can't remember.
This post is very good. It reminded me of the verse that says: "For the word of the Lord holds true and everything He does is worthy of our praise." There are so many times we don't understand what is going on. It is then that we need to be closest to the Father's heart. Hope you're hanging in there.