40

Create in me a clean heart, O God,
cuz something in me is waiting to restart.
You wiped out everything, everything,
and now I know why the caged bird sings.
It's a loss that I can no longer control,
feeling the strength of his absence in this black hole,
and wondering why I still have to wait
when I'm not sure if You govern by so-called fate.
Forty days that have seemed an eternity long,
being silenced when we haven't finished our song.
Are you writing the verse, perfecting the melody,
as I wait on this mountain for the leveling of the sea?
I have to believe that You can fix anything.
I have to believe that I can ask You anything
because separation from him is unlike anything,
and I believe You have created everything.
Because of You, I know that I am free,
so renew a right spirit within me.
It's because of You that I love him, and because I love him,
I want to abandon ship, but I can't swim.
They say if it doesn't come back once you've let it go,
then it was never really yours to hold.
So what does it mean when I continue to yearn,
in every moment, for his heart to return?
While his heart wishes for some clear sign
that his will and Yours are in line,
I wonder and I wait for him to run through the wall for me.
God, please make it happen, please make him see
that everything You have created is good--
that apart, we can't do as much as together we could.
I have to believe that You will fix this heart.
I have to believe that You have crafted this heart--
that You alone design love that makes me give my heart,
because something in me is waiting to restart.