I've been thinking a lot about intimacy lately. More specifically, I've been thinking about why God asks us to wait until we're married to have sex. Growing up in my Christian culture, I've been given lots of reasons why, and I don't know if any of them really stick out to me as the reason why I sat around in middle school with a bunch of other girls and pledged to wait until marriage. Maybe our reasons have to change and evolve as time goes on to keep us believing what we believe. I don't know for sure.
The problem with me is that I like doing things in a hurry. I always have. I'm not one of those "it's the climb" kind of people, even though I think Miley makes a good point. So I'm always trying to rush things. It's funny though because I really dislike change, and to be honest, I don't think I can handle too much reality at once. But I'm an impatient woman, and I don't like waiting for things. Time is a funny thing because I feel like we are always wanting to rush things along, but at the same time, we want time to slow down or even stop just for a little so that we can enjoy the moment.
So, here I am thinking about sex and waiting and hurrying things, and it all spins around in my head and always ends with a sigh and some variation of "Well, I'm waiting, and waiting is good." And waiting is good. I had to convince myself of that for a while, but now I actually believe it. I think waiting is a gift. I think that not rushing and taking things step by step is a gift from God.
We like to hurry things (or is it just me?), but I don't think anything is ever the best it could be when it's rushed. I mean to say, it's not easy to share intimacy with someone (or is it just me?). I find it to be really difficult. And so I'm thankful that the best way to have a relationship is to take things step by step because I don't think I could handle it if things happened too fast. That's just too much reality for me. Too much emotion. Just too much.
Silly Christian dating books tell you things like that your sexuality is like a piece of tape, and if you give yourself away to a bunch of people, it's like sticking a piece of tape to soemthing again and again, and eventually, it loses its stickiness. Or they tell you that a relationship is like a 5 course meal, and you should enjoy each course separately, and if you have sex too soon, it's like putting those 5 courses into a blender and drinking them all at once. Okay, whatever, that's not going to stop me. But to be fair, I think those arguments did make sense to me at one time.
Joy and I used to talk a lot about sex... things like whether we would regret it if we slept with someone and then married someone else later on. And I don't know the answers to any of those questions. All I know is that I believe that, ultimately, waiting is good. Waiting is good because intimacy is important and carries a lot of weight. Waiting is a gift because we can't handle too much reality at once. We have to take things step by step, building intimacy and connection through memories and conversations. Movies seem to make things happen so quickly, but that's just not how it's supposed to go. What is beautiful and holy is getting giddy about holding someone's hand, and then later getting excited about him putting his arm around you, and so on and so forth, moving slowly and not giving too much too fast. Sex is easier than love, Switchfoot has told me. And I like things to be easier, but I would rather take the time to build real intimacy with someone. Plus, I think the cliche is true: good things come to those who have to wait. ;-)